Because You Can't Make Any Real Friends. Facebook status updates you don’t want to hear
(and people have thought of writing, but haven’t):
Pinky Charlatan is yo baby mama.
Haley Comet has lung cancer.
Sarah Palin is ready to admit she is the death panels.
Martha Stew Art just lost her grandmother, and is wondering if life is as precious as the ring she just inherited. Goodbye Granny, Hello Pawnshop!
Ninny Grim has dark thoughts, and seeks the clean release of pain.
Chuck Darwin is so drunk he really shouldn’t be updating on his iphone and driving.
Pookie Jones smacks a ho!
Perjor Thinskin just ate dinner, then snuck quietly to the bathroom.
Max Powers is better than all of you, and has the money (and arrogance) to show it.
Ray Band just took all the quizzes on Facebook and earned their third party advertisers a BUTTLOAD of money! Hep-hep-hooray for free markets, invisible hands, and violation of privacy!
Conifer Blight just got out of prison again. Who’s got some weed??
Mindy Bender is on medication and can’t feel her emotions.
Barack Obama just got confused for a terrorist again.
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